A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
