his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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