I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
