Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They are going to name an STD after you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I die, sorry about rent.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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