life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
