I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
