if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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