smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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