it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
