we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
