Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
