He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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