My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
