So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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