Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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