I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
