WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
did i walk over a car last night?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
