awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
