She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
