can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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