I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
