i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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