I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
