If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
