my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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