So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
