I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
