why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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