im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the condom got lost in my hair
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
