I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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