I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's blow job season.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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