she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize