you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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