i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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