She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
