This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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