You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
