Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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