I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
