Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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