I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
