she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
