Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
