apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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