How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
nutella sex= disaster
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
