I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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