remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
