3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
