The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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