While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
