would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
