I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
