Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
