She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
