i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
