I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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